gallavant

The scale has not moved.  Still pegged.  Could be the pizza, could be the wine, could be the chips - hmmm……. perhaps a combination of all of those things.  Still working out, however, and seeing the results of that at least.  Had a migrane yesterday, spent the entire day in bed and still feeling sluggish today.  Nevertheless - have not posted because there is nothing new to report.  Had a date with Miss Clairol - covered up my gray.  Had movie day with the fam damily - mom & son in law saw Harry Potter, my daughter and I took the kiddos to go see Ice Age in 3-D - pretty cool.  Still taking classes thru the fire dept. - got my CPR certification - nifty - the next test is on August 1 for first responder certification.  Giving some real thought to the EMT program.  First I’ll see how I do as a first responder.  Didn’t get to sail this weekend, but had a great time on the water last weekend - met up with a couple of other boats & camped out - the wind was perfect.  No love life to report - am really getting ready for that to change!!  Mom’s got an appt. monday for a PET scan - she’s had some funky lab tests and they want to make sure that she’s still ok.  She feels fine - so I guess that’s what’s important.  For those of you who pray, send a thought up for her please.

 Be much blessed

The scale has not moved.  Still pegged.  Could be the pizza, could be the wine, could be the chips - hmmm……. perhaps a combination of all of those things.  Still working out, however, and seeing the results of that at least.  Had a migrane yesterday, spent the entire day in bed and still feeling sluggish today.  Nevertheless - have not posted because there is nothing new to report.  Had a date with Miss Clairol - covered up my gray.  Had movie day with the fam damily - mom & son in law saw Harry Potter, my daughter and I took the kiddos to go see Ice Age in 3-D - pretty cool.  Still taking classes thru the fire dept. - got my CPR certification - nifty - the next test is on August 1 for first responder certification.  Giving some real thought to the EMT program.  First I’ll see how I do as a first responder.  Didn’t get to sail this weekend, but had a great time on the water last weekend - met up with a couple of other boats & camped out - the wind was perfect.  No love life to report - am really getting ready for that to change!!  Mom’s got an appt. monday for a PET scan - she’s had some funky lab tests and they want to make sure that she’s still ok.  She feels fine - so I guess that’s what’s important.  For those of you who pray, send a thought up for her please.

 Be much blessed

Looks like I’m carrying around more than some extra weight.  I re-read last night’s post - sounding like I have some anger issues?  How much does emotional baggage weigh?  I did not know I was that pissed - still.  I’m going to make an appointment with our workplace counselor, Marie.  She’s helped me iron out issues before - she’s a pretty quick fixer - no need to delve into childhood stuff or any of that other junk.  Just problem, solution.  Plus she’s thru employee health, so it’s free!!  & I’m cheap!!  Just need some help figuring out what to do with that residual ick that I’m not shaking off - stuff my feelings, stuff my face.

Personal Junk:  Been doing great on the work outs.  Still walking 2 mi over lunch, upping it next week with my very fit office partner.  She’s great.  Super motivated, determined.  She’s 50+ but looks like she’s in her 30’s - a real inspiration to me.  Was nice to my son in law today - man, that’s a rough relationship.  Went to First Responder Training.  Georgia Mtn. Fire needs an EMT - so they asked if I would go ahead and take the classes to learn how to provide emergency medical aid at a higher level than basic first responder.  The purpose is service - and that really is where I can best serve.  They have plenty of strapping young healthy  guys who like to run around in fire trucks & sling hoses around - stamp out brush fires , go into burning buildings, clean up meth labs and the like - and they do that better than I ever will.  What they need is an EMT - and my skill set is more geared towards caretaking than lugging around 100# hoses and whatnot.  Will keep ya’ll posted.

My scale is not going to move this week - but I guess that’s o.k.  When I flex my biceps, I can see them.  I can see my quads, I can feel my abs and they are rock hard.  My rear end does not sag.  My body is responding to my hard work - it’s just not dropping the pounds.  I’ll add some more cardio this week and see if that does not help. 

I’m feeling “whoremoanal” today - depressed.  My body has always toned up quickly - the weight doesn’t move, but the shape changes nicely - it always makes me think about my ex - he was and continues to be so hateful about my weight.  We both have boats at this marina (price is right and I live here!!) - the last time I talked to him he said that he wanted me to pretend that I did not know him because I was so fat and unattractive.  Mind you, this is a man I spent 6 years of my life with - four of them skinny scrawny, one of them healthy, and one of them overweight and gaining the courage to leave him.  The last year of our relationship he was cruel beyond measure.  When my mom was in the process of being diagnosed w/ endometrial cancer, I had to change our vacation plans and meet him in Chattanooga for the Riverbend Fest rather than go upriver with him on his boat.  I bought us each bikes to ride on the trail that runs along the river - I thought it would be a good way for us to see the town and spend time together.  I could not find a place to park - I had to park in a scary neighborhood late at night - and rather than come and meet me, he left me there.  Chewed me out because I got lost in a big city.  I could not find my way thru the crowds, I’m agoraphobic & have no sense of direction.  It was awful.  Shit.  I’m crying.    I stayed in my own house after that - right next door to his.  I did not lose weight, but I went to the gym - a lot.  Two weeks later - I look better - he becomes kinder.  He tells me I must have lost weight.   I didn’t.  I used to tease him, the hornier he was, the thinner I looked.

FF six mo. later - I took him on a vacation to Little River Canyon because he was depressed -  I was worried about him.  We were walking back up to my car after viewing another overlook and he said “I wish you could see yourself” - his tone was so filled with contempt.  I was crushed.

FF 2 mo. later.  He feels like I am such a piece of shit because I’m fat that he can put his hands on me in violence.  FF ten days later - I’m in my own apartment - he’s an occasional f***.  A few mos later, I’ve my own boat.  He wonders why I can screw him and walk away.  FF 2 mos later - “the best way to get over an old man is to get under a new one.”  Did that.  FF the new apt. is a total  roach infested shi* hole.  I live on my boat for a month.  This house at the marina comes up for rent - I grab it.  New man is a republican - Christian Conservative Rt. who feels guilty every time he touches me.  New man gets dumped.  FF 5 mos after dumping new man & I’m here.  Strong.  Determined.  Present and accounted for, ya’ll.   Single and over 40 but still kicking up a ruckus.  The scale may not move.  My body is strong.  I’m ok where I am.  Am going to get where I want to be.

Thanks for listening to me bit**.  

Well, I just got back from the first meeting of the 9:01 club.  For those of you who don’t know what that is, the pool where I live is clothing optional after 9:00 -  Wow!  I feel fantastic.  Just laid back on my floatie and watched the stars & the moons of several of my friends.  Helps me to realize - it’s just a body - and mine works so I’m grateful.

Joined the Georgia Mountain volunteer fire department - they are interested in training first responders, especially females, to go out on their calls - I’m really enjoying it.  I’m learning basic first aid & CPR - then we get to learn hazmat - then actual fire fighting.  I’ve also enrolled in several BLS classes at work.  I think it will be a good challenge for me and a good way to give back to this community which has come to matter so much to me. Ernie, the man who owns the marina where I live, suggested that I join - he thinks I’d be good at it - and I suspect he’s probably right.  Even if I do totally choke & don’t have what it takes at least I will have gained some valuable skills - and sailing and being on the water those are skills that could very well come in handy. 

The scale’s still stuck - but I’m still working on it.  Pfft.