gallavant

Well, it’s official - two pounds gained this week.  I know it’s hormonal and next week will tell a truer tale, still and all - pffftt.  I have decided to think about why “fat” and calling people fat is so ugly - even if it’s true.  Here is what I have come up with:  take a vice- any vice - maybe you like to fry kittens for breakfast on occasion, maybe you are opinionated, or envy your neighbor, or have a secret lust for David Hasselhoff - whatever inner flaw it is that you have - now paint a mental picture of what that vice looks like - it’s okay, it’s just you and your mind - no one has to know what your vice looks like - paint it “red of tooth and claw” so to speak.  Paint it ugly - paint it real - it’s on the inside, no one can see it - got it in your mind?  What does a lust to eat fried kittens look like, after all?  Not so pretty.

Now take that flaw and staple it to your forehead.  The cat is out of the bag.  Everyone knows that you like to eat fried kittens for breakfast - it’s right there for all the world to see.  Whenever you walk by a kitten, people watch to see if you are going to gobble it up.  Every time you look in the mirror, all you see is “kitten fryer” - not mom, not hard worker, not loving partner - just that damn kitten munching urge.  People feel free to comment on your kitten frying - it has become a matter of public debate -Talk show hosts have entire shows on the damage to society that your kitten fryin’ has created.   You are now defined by your flaw.

That is what being fat feels like.  My flaw is out there.  Everyone who sees me knows that I am overweight.  People watch to see what I will choose at the “All you can eat buffet”.  When I look in the mirror, I see the excess weight.  If it were any other flaw - like a secret lust for Daivd Hasselhoff - I could keep it to myself.  My boss’s opinion of me and my work does not change because of my secret love of excess chest hair.  I can look in the mirror and not see Lust for Weird Eighties Icon staring back at me. 

So, what is the point, why is the word “fat” so damn ugly?  O.k, it’s a flaw.  But let me name it something which does not define me.  There is a huge difference between “she is opinionated” and “she is a bitch” - “opinionated” is a character flaw - “bitch” is a definition of the whole person.  Words like “overweight” or “obese” are flaws a person has - “fat” is a definition.  I am overweight.  Fact.  I am also an awsome grandmother, a hard worker, a loyal friend.   I am Fat - when I go there, that’s all there is.  Fat.  Kitten Fryer.

That’s all, ya’ll.

That’s the advice I give to other peope when they sink into the fat n’ugly place so today I took my own advice.  The scale is not going to tell me happy things when I get on it in the morning.  It’s monthly fluctuations combined with a less than perfect diet - I let the scale have too much control over my mood.  I stepped on this morning and it was up -  so I had one of those f**ck it I’ll just be fat moments  and I had a cheese burger and onion rings for dinner.  Then I skipped the gym.  Of course, that boosted my self esteem to, oh, gee, about gutter level?

Lucky for me, I have a close to one hour commute on the way home and was able to give myself a really good ass-chewing.  I got home and put on my new shorts - they make my legs look like they go on forever.  I acknowledged the fact that my thighs don’t rub together so much any more.  I flexed my nana-wingless biceps.  I reminded myself of my generally healthy food-choices.  I reminded myself that my weight fluctuates by pounds per day - it’s the over all that matters.  Those were my sparklies.  Then I took action.  I went for a two mile walk.

Then I came here.  I know ya’ll get it.  Thanks for being here.

I work with three other women and have a great deal of respect for all of them.  This week, we decided to start walking over our lunch hour - just a quick one mile to the park and back trek.  Mind you, it’s Alabama, and it’s been consistantly in the mid 90’s - still and all, we all have grit.  A quick description of the women I work with:  a very slender, petite woman in her 50’s - her son is in the military and flies helicopters for a living (good job  single parent mom!!!) - another woman, in her early 50’s who looks like she is in her 30’s - blonde, beautiful, takes really good care of herself, fit - very much a southern belle - smart woman & I love sharing an office with her- and the two big girls - me and this other woman I work with - she is truly amazing and the way she treats people has actually made me examine my own life and how I treat people - she is the most thoughtful person I know.  If you read my blog at all, she is the creator of the lemon poppyseed cake.  mmmmmm…….  So, my point, the first day we all went walking the two not so big girls powered on ahead of us - booked around the lake while me and my extra curvy office  mate got to know each other seated on a park bench, in the shade,  feeding the ducks.  I really liked getting to know her better - she’s not worked with us very long and we don’t have opportunity to talk much - we meandered back together, again, while not so curvy office mates blazed by us. 

The kicking butt part came today, when my curvy office mate was gone.  I’m fat, but I am very fit.  I blazed by them on the way there -  on the way back, I totally left them in the dust.  I was back in the office, cooled off, with my normal girl shoes  on and back to work  by the time they huffed and puffed back to their desks.  Felt really good.  When I got home, I walked two more miles and went for a kayak.  Sunset on the lake, me in the water = life is very good indeed.

Not much new going on.  Skipped the workout yesterday - just too much other stuff to do.  Today I walked three miles and did some toning stuff.  Tried power yoga and was amazed at how the instructor could twist herself into knots!!  Probably not going to be a good class for me because she does lots of spine arches - and I have spinal arthritis - when I arch, I need to spend an equal amount of time hunching to decompress if that makes any sense at all.  The new fitness goal is to get my fat lazy butt out of bed earlier and go for a two mile walk in the morning.  I’ve done that before and it really helps to get my day started right.

Personal junk:  Having the whole fam damily over this weekend if that works out - grilled chicken breast & veggies galore on the menu. Pool is open, 9:01 club has not met yet - will keep you posted - talk about motivation!  New idea that works for me - a nurturing workout.  Best of both worlds.  There is a lovely sweet young lady in our office space who is trying to get herself healthy - she has two kids, one brand new, and she’s ready to drop the mommy weight.  I admire her pluck.  She started out by walking around the office and trying to eat less crappy food.  Then she moved up to walking once around the block over lunch.  Now she’s three times around the block.  My friend/coworker and I both really think the world of this young woman, so we have been encouraging her and joining her.  We’re hoping to have her join us on our one mile lunch hour walk which we have just started doing.  Told her about the site, hope she joins. 

Loving my garden, ya’ll.  I picked my first cucumber this morning and had it for breakfast.  The tomatoes are looking good - going to have squash out my ears - and thought that I would try purple hull peas - love them.  I really encourage people to get their hands in some dirt and grow food - eating what I grow is so satisfying to me - sharing what I grow even more so.  I grew a whole row of chard - I don’t really like chard, but I have two friends that do - thus, a row of chard.  I have the most beautiful lettuce - I plant a spring mix instead of a flower bed.  Herbs are weeds and grow well where nothing else does - thus basil, oregeno, parsley, lavender, & rosemary go where I can’t get anything to grow.  Even if you live in an apartment, they make special hanging pots so that you can grow tomatoes & strawberries.  Herbs grow in pots. 

I have noticed that women tend to nurture people with food - depressed?  I’ll have  a pint of Ben & jerry’s on your doorstep before you know it.  Loving a man?  cook him up an apple pie and some fried chicken.  New  to the neighborhood?  Have a platter of brownies.  Sick?  Well - chicken soup will do the trick.  

So, where are my thoughts leading?  To the potluck dinner, of course.    Came thru w/ flying colors - I share office space with some very caring women.  There was a home made keylime pie.  Two crockpots full of bbq meatballs.   Homemade potato salad.  And while I did not eat very much of it I complimented the hell out of it.  It ain’t the food that needs acknowledged, it’s the cook and the love that went into the preparation of the food that needs attention.  No one noticed that I had a plate full of fruit and salad with one of each kind meatball.  All I had to do was state that I love homemade key lime pie - that everyone loves rotel chili dip - and where did you get the receipt for the strawberry glaze layer cake w/ cream cheese frosting.  The fresh strawberries and peaches that I brought were enjoyed, and it warmed my heart to see people eat it - even if it was simple.  So why not return the feeling?  Mean time, I’m down two pounds.

We are having a pot luck in the office tomorrow.  There is a sign up sheet going around, and suddenly I understand why most of the women in our little area, including me,  are extra curvy.  On the menu for lunch? Fried Chicken, BBQ meatballs, potato salad, cake, cake and more cake, “dessert” several times - chips & dip - I’m bringing fresh peaches and strawberries.  Someone is bringing salad - but it’s going to be, and I will bet money on this, smothered in bacon bits, croutons, and some sort of gloppy fatty dressing.  Time for a strategy.  The thing that I hate about these things is that if I don’t load up my plate like I’m never going to see food again, someone is going to point it out and make some SNARKY comment.  If I don’t try the  chili cheese bacon dip or death by chocolate cake  that ”Betty” made from scratch using her new receipe from Southern Living,  her feelings are going to be hurt.  I just can’t eat that crap and be healthy.  If I say that point blank, then “Betty” looks at her own plate loaded down with 3,000 calories and gets pissed.  If I say that I am trying to lose weight, then women with more to lose than me tell me I don’t need to worry about it.  Bullsh**.  I know my BMI - I’m a good 20#’s past not needing to worry about it.   Oh well.  Peer pressure. 

I will start with a healthy breakfast.  I will imagine haggis.  I will not offer explanations about my food choices.  I will tell “Betty” that her chili bacon cheese dip looks delightful and I can tell that people are really enjoying it.  A dieter at a grand feed like this one is about as welcome as a who*e in church.  I will keep that in mind and try to keep my healthy eating to myself.

Will post my weight  tomorrow.  It’s been steady below 160 for two mornings, we’ll see if it holds.  My weight varies from day to day, so I will not post a new weight until it’s been that for three days in a row.  Be much blessed, ya’ll

Well, made it back from the North Alabama Scottish Festival.  Boat did great, stayed at a beautiful marina in Scottsboro, Goose Pond Colony - and really enjoyed the festival.  I have a thing for bagpipes, what can I say.  Hope to have pics on my profile page soon.   Stayed away from the food vendors - there was a booth called the Frying Scottsman that sold, and I am not kidding, Fried Snickers Bars.  And Haggis & chips.  Fried hardboiled eggs - ugh!!!!  In 95+ degree heat.  Nauseating.   

I’m originally from Colorado, and was fortunate enough to land in Alabama about 15 years ago.  I really love it here - but the food here is a nutritionists nightmare.  I worked my way thru college in a redneck diner and learned about the south and the glory that is southern cooking while working there.   I discovered that I really love the South and southern cooking - Fried Green Tomatoes, real coleslaw with mayo & sugar, fried chicken, buttermilk biscuits and gravy.  Everthing is prepared with some mixture of sugar, salt, and fat.  Squash is fried.  There was a place down the road where I used to live that actually sold hamburgers, battered, and then deep fat fried.  Turnip greens are cooked with pork fat.  Same with beans.  Macaroni & Cheese is a vegetable here.  It’s rare to find a place to eat that isn’t an ”All You Can Eat Buffet”.  I could eat like that when I was chain smoking,  younger, and running myself ragged working & going to school, trying to raise a family - but the moment I got a desk job & put down the smokes - and turned 40 - well, hello biscuit butt. 

I have no tolerance for it anymore.  I know how to eat right - so I will.  Two more days till I weigh in.  Hoping to be anywhere below where I am now.

Hi ya’ll;

Weird day -  Today was birthday time in the office.  I have the good fortune to work with a woman who is a wonderful cook - and she brought in a lemon poppyseed bundt cake that was like heaven.  Then we all went out for lunch - Mexican.  Two weaknesses I have - Mexican food and cake - so here’s how I handled it.  I did eat the cake - and I’m so glad I did because it was really really good.  One slice.  At lunch, I had a grilled chicken salad with black bean salsa, fresh pico,  real chipolte ranch dressing and pepperjack cheese (deprivation not my thing) wow, good stuff.  O.k, what I wanted was the Enchalada Platter - with extra sour cream - but I do recall the statement “nothing tastes as good as thin feels” - so that worked.  When the late afternoon munchies set in, I thought about the cake - I looked at my Wasa Whole Grain Crisp bread & peanut butter - I took a deep breath and - - - ate my crispbread.   Worked out like a fiend after work - 20 minutes rowing, biking, treadmill & elliptical for a total of 80 minutes of powerful fat burning cardio.  Bye Bye Cake.

Here’s my 15 seconds - totally surreal - I’m back at my desk, getting into the work groove, got my XM getting ready to hear Dr. Laura give em hell and - - - she read the blog I posted yesterday - on the air.  Cheeze Whiz.  I thought only ya’ll read this stuff, you know,   folks like me who need to drop a few & need a little encouragement to keep going - it was bizzare.  Anyway, I called my mom - told her to call my conservative uncle and tell him about it cause he’ll be so proud.  The rest of the family will probably disown me.

Other personal stuff:  Still getting ready for my trip Scottish festival up the TN river.  I’m thinking of loading up the boat Thursday night rather than Friday morning - it’s going to be hotter than blue blazes on Friday, and I’m thinking leaving EARLY Friday might be best - beat the heat.  There should be wind from a favorable direction, so I should be able to sail/ motor sail for a chunk of the trip.  I’m thinking haggis might be the perfect diet food - much like spam, too revolting to eat.   Looking forward to the music & the piping - bummed that the grandkids won’t be there - my mom & dad & daughter & son in law have no desire to drive the guys up in the heat & they are too young to come with me on the boat.

Ya’ll are the gravy on my grits.  Be blessed.

O.k., I confess - I’ve just started listening to Dr. Laura in the afternoons on XM at my desk.  She’s said some not so nice things about extra curvy people - still and all, today she said something that made sense to me - a curvy person called her and asked how she stayed motivated to work out - her answer?  Motivation has nothing to do with it - she does not get up and feel excited about working out  - BUT SHE DOES IT ANYWAY.  It’s not motivation, it’s just what she does because she has to do it.  I beleive the word she used was “grit”.  I would like to get there - make taking the stairs like brushing my teeth - just do it because it needs doing.  So when I left work today after a one hour commute and ten hours behind my desk and didn’t “feel” like going to the gym - had no “motivation” to do so I thought to myself - yeah, I have no motivation today - none zero zap zilch - but I do have plenty of grit.  And that is what got me to the gym - and boosted my normal workout.

Then there is this site - which is motivating to me - I have a buddy that I report to every day about how many flights of stairs I took - and that really does keep me from taking the elevator.  It also helps me to keep fitness and health as an active part of my life instead of as an afterthought. 

My final thought - grit alone ain’t enough - but sometimes it’s all you have - so use it.  Motivation is the gravy on the grit(s).  I’m a hefty girl - I really like gravy a lot.  So I’m really glad I’m here.

O.k - I’m thrilled that I very easily lost the five pounds I always gain when I don’t exercise.  Cool beans, love that my body responds so well.  Three days of reasonable eating - and I really feel like I ought to be skinny already!!  I think that I am not going to weigh again until next Monday - then I will be able to see what ten days of reasonable eating AND regular activity do.  Maybe kick it down another five. 

Other than that- Sunday I got my shiplet ready for a long trip this weekend.  Leaving Friday morning, coming back Sunday evening.  Should be good fun.  Worried about my workout - I’m working extra long days so I don’t use up a lot of my vacation time.  Thought about working out tonight, but I was just too tired after work and still sore from yesterday’s adventures - lugging the dingy to the water, rowing out to my boat, contorting myself to scrub her down - ouch!  however, my nana wings are gone.  No flapage at all!!